We hear this phrase a lot: “Let it go!” But this phrase only frustrates someone who doesn’t understand it. Trust me. I was there. There was a time I didn’t know what in the world this phrase meant. It sounds like a nice thing to say to someone who is worried, upset or angry about something. But that good advice doesn’t work if you don’t understand how to let something go. I have since learned this concept very well. Now let me help to break it down for you in a few simple steps. (I said simple, not easy.)

Before we get into the steps, it may be helpful to understand a few things. Energy is real. Energy is in everything. Inanimate objects have energy, as do human beings, animals, nature, everything, and everybody. Each of us operates on a different wavelength of energy. And the vibrational energy you put out into the world comes back to you. You’ve probably heard of the law of Karma which states “As you sow, so shall you reap.” You can read more about that here: https://medium.com/indian-thoughts/the-law-of-karma-made-easy-26e25754a91d

You may also have heard the term “What you focus on expands.” This is also a pertinent concept about what we manifest in life. So here is an interesting article about that: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/whatever-you-focus-on-exp_b_3300091

Whether you understand or believe in these spiritual laws or not, they are at work in the world and in your life. So, I do encourage you to learn about them only because they can help you turn your life into a magnet for all things good…abundance, love, ease, and peace. And these concepts are related to the process of “letting it go” and will make the ability to do so easier. I believe once you learn this practice, you can transform your life, and come to a place where you draw good things to yourself instead of the unwanted.

STEP ONE of “Letting it Go” is to understand that obsession doesn’t work! I mean, really understand this. You need to feel and know this fact deep within your being. You have probably been conditioned to believe that the more you think about something and try to figure it out and work on it and talk to others about it, the more likely you are to devise the perfect plan to make it happen. Does this sound like you? If so, I completely understand because it is our cultural conditioning to any of life’s problems. It is basically how our education system works. It’s how we are taught to succeed in business. It’s essentially the human experience to figure out how to fix problems and go about the business of fixing them. In fact, this is what has brought about many of our historic inventions and modern conveniences. So, there certainly is a lot of good that comes from fixing, managing and controlling things. But the obsessive nature we exhibit when we try to fix problems related to the actions of other people can actually push us further away from that thing we want. You can read more about how thoughts affect your feelings in my blog on this topic: https://bewellwithjanel.com/mindset/thoughts-affect-your-feelings/

It will be more beneficial to you to stop thinking about it and stop talking about it. I know this is hard and will take practice. But you can do this! Right now, you are used to talking about the problem to your friends, your sister, your mother, your co-worker, and the stranger on the elevator. When you are unhappy with a circumstance, you talk about it with almost anyone with an ear. You know when you want something, you keep that thing at the top, the bottom and in every corner of your mind. But when you do this, it’s not helping your vibrational energy level. It’s keeping you in a place of lack because the feelings you feel when you talk about it and think about it are feelings of lack and not being deserving of anything better. I encourage you to try to catch yourself in the dialog or thought pattern about the problem. And when you notice it, substitute that thought with another freeing thought, a positive thought, or thoughts of gratitude.

Let’s use an example of a woman who wants to be married, and her live-in boyfriend won’t commit to marriage. She talks about it with her girlfriends, her sister, her mother. She thinks about it all the time and feels how deeply she wants marriage. She teases her man, fights with him, tries to manipulate him, control him, trick him, or shame him. And the more she does that, the less he wants to be committed to her. In effect, she has pushed him away even further from the idea of marrying her. Now there is tension in the relationship, and the talk of marriage is much further away than it has ever been. Clearly, this isn’t working for her. It’s bringing her the opposite of what she wants.

What is the feeling you feel when you are thinking about letting it go? What is the issue? Is it a longing for something that isn’t coming to you? Are you ruminating about a problem? Or perhaps it’s being so angry about something that hurt you, that you keep replaying it in your mind? The problem with this is that it comes from a place of lack, sadness, resentment, unforgiveness and not deserving something. Negative thinking and feelings keep you operating at a very low vibration. This carries with it feelings of want and longing which also come from a place of lack. They are vibrational energy that says that you must not deserve it.

And that is NOT true!

But again, we are energy. And all energy attracts like energy. So, when you think obsessively about the thing you are trying to “let go” of, you are basically pushing it away even more. You might think the opposite because perhaps you feel some sense of relief talking about it. But this isn’t about your getting relief from anxiety. You need to separate your self-soothing needs from energetic principles at play if you really want to draw good things to yourself.

Onto STEP TWO which is making peace with the “Worst Case Scenario” that you can imagine coming from the situation if the situation were to never change. If we are talking about your non-committed boyfriend, it is important for you to really be at peace with the idea that he may never commit. It won’t be easy but keep trying. And don’t be fake with the energy you put around this. You may be able to lie to yourself about being at peace with it, but you cannot lie to the Universe.

When you make peace, you “loosen your grip” so to speak. Now, this may sound counter-intuitive. But it’s all about trusting the Universe to bring to you what is really yours. So, when you play out every possible scenario for yourself, you will want to make peace with all of them. For instance, if your boyfriend never commits, what’s the worst thing that can happen? You’ll never marry? You’ll need to leave him and live without him? You’ll have babies with him, but not be married? By doing this, you may see that it’s not entirely as bad as you thought. It’s not the end of the world. You may play out a scenario that you don’t mind at all. And you’ll discover that you’re going to be okay. This is making peace with it.

That feeling that “you’re going to be okay” is actually the key to this step. Understanding that you’ve gone through the worst-case scenario and are still OK allows your energy to flow at a higher vibrational level. You are no longer holding onto resentments, no longer trying to coerce the issue. You are free and you know all is working out to your best advantage.

STEP THREE to letting it go ramps up from step two! Now, consider that any of the worst-case scenarios you have flushed out may actually be the BEST case scenarios. Imagine that! This really helps to free you even more from the outcome! Hypothesize as many scenarios as you possibly can. Get used to it. You won’t have the attachment vibes coming out of you anymore. And again, energy is everything. So, a loosened grip frees you from the attachments that held you bound.

In the case of your boyfriend that doesn’t propose marriage, perhaps you imagine a fabulous scenario that has you meeting a better guy who is very ready for the commitment of marriage! And you couldn’t meet him if you were still with the current boyfriend. So that is certainly a best-case scenario! Or another scenario might be that you stay with him because you realize he is everything you want in a man and you don’t need a marriage license to be happy. Your attitude about needing to be married changes and you are happy with things exactly as they are. Another great scenario!

It’s important to think about all the scenarios and keep them active in your mind. This is part of the energy exercise of detaching from the problematic situation you previously were stewing and stressing about and moving toward freedom in your spirit, heart, and mind. You want to become free so that you attract exactly what is meant for you. Don’t pass up or fly too quickly by this important step!

Now, we’ve arrived at STEP FOUR to letting it go, which is to make a shift! Get working on something else. Identify something new and fun to begin doing. What is an activity or hobby you can take up? How can you be creative in some way? Cooking, baking, art, singing, dance, knitting, gardening, furniture restoration, bocce ball, tennis, swimming, hiking, etc. Do something FUN to get yourself out of your own way. Take your mind off the issue at hand. What is that healthy lifestyle or hobby or craft idea that helps the time pass so quickly for you? What do you get lost in when you are doing it? That is the thing you should do!

When you feel joy in your heart, you release joy into the world, and you will manifest your dreams and a life of JOY. Doing a new, fun activity is going to change your vibration. You will always vibrate on a higher level when you have joy, love, freedom, and creativity in your heart. And a higher vibration will attract a higher vibration. And you may very well attract that thing you originally wanted. But as we’ve seen in Step Two, you’re going to be okay anyway. And as we’ve seen in Step Three, you will actually be far better off with other scenarios. You just need to TRUST that the Universe is always working to give you exactly what you need to grow into the best version of yourself! And get moving on with doing a wonderful activity that you love.

Lastly, I want to emphasize that it is very important to give yourself time as you try to let it go. Learning a new practice of letting something go will take some time because it’s hard to incorporate a new way of thinking immediately. But don’t stop trying to do it! It’s the “trying” that is doing the work for you. And you need to keep trying, never giving up, in order to have success at this. I believe in you and so does the Universe! You’ve got this!

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